is there a difference between someone who dumps others and someone who got dumped?
won't the former hurt as much as the latter?
i really thought that i could let go, but i guess i still couldn't.

What will happen to me?
What will i do?What can i do?

Creeping alone in the room,not wanting to go out to face the world.
Deep in my heart,i hunger for love.
I wanted to love, and also to be loved.

But i fear,
yet again,i will fall.
I m scared,i m alone.
I hate this feeling.
But i can't get rid of it.
Unlike 'you'.....

woot....needless to say, today(or maybe yesterday) was one of the best day i had. Me and me cousin actually went up to KL Low Yat Plaza to upgrade our laptop's ram!! XD

Dig it moonlitekidz, with this 3gb ram i will never hang again in dota!!!it might be my turn to call u guys laggers.... XD

Pictures of my trip to Bangkok will be posted here soon enough...good day mates!! ;)

Crying.....can crying help soothe someone's heart,although it is just a little? If yes,i would rather shed tears now,than to suffer. But sadly, i can't shed any tears. I don't know why, but i just couldn't.

So tired, very tired.

I'm dreaming of sleeping next to you
I'm feeling like a lost little boy in a brand new town
I'm counting my sheep and each one that passes is another dream to ashes
and they all fall down.

And as I lay me down tonight,
I close my eyes, what a beautiful sight

Sleeping to dream about you
And I'm so tired of having to live without you
But I don't mind.
Sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired

I found myself in the riches (Your eyes, your lips, your hair.)
And you were everywhere
I woke up in the ditches.
I hit the light and I thought you might be here
but you were nowhere. (You were nowhere)
Well, you were nowhere at home.

As I lay me back to sleep
Lord I pray that I can keep

Sleeping to dream about you
And I'm so tired of having to live without you
Well, I don't mind
Sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired

(Just a little a lullaby to keep myself from crying myself to sleep at night.)

Sleeping to dream about you
I'm so tired of having to live without you
Well, I don't mind
Sleeping to dream about you and I'm so tired

______________________________________________________

A song from Jason Mraz - Sleeping to dream.
Indeed a beautiful song and it clearly portrays my feelings.
A must get for all Jason Mraz fans. =)

What supposed to be a bad day,turned out the opposite way instead (for me)...

As usual,it should be a boring day where i sit in front of my laptop idling and wasting some precious time. Never did i expect to actually see my sis on facebook (to those who is not familiar with facebook,u can chat there,a little like msn). My sis, which is 7 years older than me, is now studying in US. It's really glad to be able to listen/chat with her since it's been a long time since we actually converse with each other.

I know this might sound weird to others, but it really brightened up my day/night just by chatting with her. When i m young, i used to think that mum and dad are one sided. But now i know, my entire family loves me. Sadly, i just can't remember most of my childhood memories. Only partial of it remains.

I just hope that the day when sis will finally come back. Really miss her alot. To my family, i love u very much. =D

oh btw, HAPPY B'DAY GRANNY!!! XD

p/s : it's just a random post...and for friends who supported me, i really appreciate it...thnx...
the previous post is just about my feelings. i never intended to gain sympathy from friends
or planning whatsoever to gain her back by posting such post.

Sigh.....guess that today is not a great day after all....wake up at 3pm(as usual)...
But soon after eating,me and mum received a phone call from 6th aunt stating that granny is sick,so off we go to Dr.Lau.... ><

After that,continue to slack at home till late at night,where me n friends had a futsal match with a bunch of unsporting players....in the end,we lost. Sigh...how i wished that i can improve myself. I am tired of being a burden to the team. I am tired of myself being weak.But sighing and complaning here won't help,i will train by myself soon.

Got home at 12++am, send a bunch of sms to some friends. That's when i came upon a message which 'she' sent to me last year.

"Make a heart which never break,
Make a smile which never hurts,
Make a life which never pains,
Make a relationship which never ends..."

This message really brings back lots of memories. Memories of my first love. As i browsed through more messages that she sent,i began to smile,not one which is happy, but a smile which hurts, a sad smile.

I never thought that my relationship with her will end. I never knew she will hate me so much. I never heard anything from her since the day we broke up. I had been waiting and waiting for her. I know my efforts will be futile,but a part of my heart just wouldn't let go. Many times i told myself i must give up, but never once i succeed in doing it.

Everytime i look at my mobile reminds me of her. How i wished that i treated her better last time, but i know what's done cannot be undone. I can only regret and get on with life. I can tell others i am fine and joke around, but i cant lie myself. I still cant get over her, I still love her, I still miss her. My only wish now is that she can forgive me. I don't mind being only as friends. I dare not wish more than that anymore.

"Neglected when you have it,
Regretted when you lose it."

Well....it's my first experience in blogging (tho a few unsuccessful attempts on friendster's blog due to certain reason)

Evrytime i browse thru blogs of my friends, instantly i will be thinking,y the heck they wana blog anyway? but yet,before i noe it, i m a victim of blogging myself... XD

mayb it's due to the fact that i m boring at times/all the time during tiz freaking long holiday that i decided to blog...or mayb bcoz my relationship with my 1st love juz ended,tat's y i decided to blog....

well,i will be flying to bangkok on 17th tho...and it will be my 2nd experience on an aeroplane. hope that it will be a pleasant 1.... =D (the 1st was a disaster....stuck in the plane for an hour without air cond.....!!)