Bryan's Hideout
The Only Place I Can Be Myself

A coward full of excuses

By Bryan
Weird...it's 10.53 now, and i am supposed to be sleeping like a pig...
but i am awake...woke up at 8.30am,and i can't get myself back to sleep...
insomnia?perhaps....can't sleep well yesterday,and yet,i woke up so early...
kinda bad way to start a new day eh?

currently addicted to the song "Two is better than one(ft Taylor Swift) - Boys like Girls"...
everytime i hear this song,i remembered what a classmate of mine query me...
"Do you want your anniversary to fall on Valentine's Day?"
the moment she asked this question, i seriously couldn't answer her...
I don't know why...
Deep in my heart,i know,
yeah,i wanted such special things...
i wanted to love and also to be loved...
but what i want doesn't mean that it's what others want?
V day's coming and there's only 1-2 days for me to prepare something...
i can make it, but do i have the courage?
what if what i did will end me up with a totally opposite result from what i think?
can i afford to lose it?
Yes, i know i lacked the courage guys should have...

what am i afraid of?
i don't know...maybe i am afraid that the good relationship i foster might just end?
or perhaps, i am just comfortable with things staying put like this?
could i handle it?
will i be like what i was previously??
am i good enough?
and most importantly, what do you think of me?
everyone asked me,
surely i know what she feels about me...
but i can't give them the answer...
because i really don't know myself...
i wouldn't want myself to be overconfident,
i am scared that i might ruin things up...
that's me...
a coward that uses excuses to cover up his weaknesses...
how i hate myself for not being able to express openly...
sigh...the dilemma....